Some Things

In the age of technology everything is changing. Hopefully, treats and snacks will be the same. I would frown if I found myself eating an e-clair (electronic clair).

I bet there is an electronic Claire, though. Probably some young lady from Nebraska with a private web-cam.

I like pizza and french fries.

Lucy is a dog I love.

Sometimes it is fun to jump up and down and count out very loudly.

When a dog barks, do not be rude, bark back.

The tree told me to give the bark back.

Back when Charles Barkley played for the 76ers he scored a lot of points.

Do not let the points add up on your driving record.

Vinyl records have no place in the car.

Car care is important.

So is health.

Things I Enjoy...

Running fast- moving fast puts a smile on my face!
Apples- there are so many different types and they taste fantastic!
People falling off bikes- as long as nobody gets hurt!
People walking into screen doors- it gets funnier each time!
Women who run while pushing baby carriages- That is just economical!
Doggies- best friend anyone?
Science- it explains everything (well, most everything)!
Basketball- fast paced and artistic.
Mullets- yes, i am laughing at you.
Lemon Meringue Pie- how can something so sour be so sweet?
Woodcock-Johnson (cognitive ability test)- they are, in fact, long and hard.
Liam Neeson- Go see Taken and you'll understand!
Reality Television- tv at its simplest and most dumbed down form.
Russian Roulette with a Nerf Gun- it even sounds fun!
Jennifer Aniston- a wonderful woman.
Water Balloons- so much fun to throw that they make me wet.

The Truth...

The truth about things that have to do with health...

Reduced fat, more times than none, typically means added sugar.


Reduced fat peanut butter usually has the same type of sugar that cake icing uses. Go for natural peanut butter.


Seriously, when buying health food, take a look at the sugar content. For example, many "diet" yogurts have over 20 grams of sugar. It is almost like having a candy bar.

Pork rinds are a good, guilt-free snack (just don't eat the whole package). They have no carbohydrates and are fairly high in protein.

Easy Tips

Take the stairs instead of an elevator or escalator.

Park a few spaces farther than you normally would.

Put that soda down and have a water.

Stand more.

Use less salt.

Cook with a little bit of lemon juice or vinegar (it brings out the salt flavors so you can use less salt).

Spare time? Drop down and do some push ups every once and a while.

Caution...

Use caution when handling frozen chicken, it can and will slip out of your hands and hit you in the face. I am living (typing) proof.

Use less caution when around banana peels, you will not slip.

Use caution when around stinky odor, once you smell it you will most likely be tempted to smell it again and perhaps once more.

Oh Me Goodness!!!

I totally thought I was watching lesbian porn, turns out it was a Justin Bieber video.

I thought about it...

and you could successfully slay a vampire with an ice cream cone. Next time you hold one, think about it, and you'll understand.

Hear Me Out

How many times have your parents made you turn the TV off because they thought the program was inappropriate?

Or how many times have you been denied the viewing of an "R" rated/adult content movie?

The solution...books! Books have everything you can imagine. All the good stuff parents won't let the kids watch. Trust me, no parent will ever take a novel away from you or anybody for that matter. Below is a list of authors/books that if they were a movie or TV show would be a no-no to parents. They're even educational and can add extra brain power! The books listed below would be rated "R" if they were movies (some actually are movies) but are jammed with education.


Chuck Palaniuk- read Fight Club, Diary, Invisible Monsters, or Choke.

Jack Kerouac- The Dharma Bums. Two men go on a mountain climb and along the way drink some whine and meet some ladies (more like one lady).

Tom Wolfe- I Am Charlotte Simmons. A book about a young girl, a basketball player, a nerd and a fraternity college guy.


That is just a few, more to follow.

Read this!

I found an interesting article in the world of science. The article (posted on www.sciencenews.org) Grown Men Swap Bodies With Virtual Girl, written by Bruce Bower, states " Virtual reality can get downright unreal. In the simulated realm, grown men given a new perspective on the world suddenly find themselves convinced that they inhabit the body of a young girl".

The link to the article is www.sciencenews.org/view/generic/id/59143/title/Grown_men_swap_bodies_with_virtual_girl


Enjoy!

The Corner Beat Town 4

Charlie the Frenchman was more than the manager of the bar. He was the owner. He was more than the owner, he was our friend and maybe a father figure. Charlie lived in France until he was about 17 or 18, took a plane to the You Es of Ay (U.S.A ((United States of America)) and opened up a bar when he was in his early 20s. He even named the bar himself. I suppose it is time to tell everyone the name of the bar. The bar's name was and is "Marla's Pints" (commonly called Marla's).
For years we assumed Marla was a woman he loved, maybe the bar name was a play on Marla's pants. Assuming is not a good idea. Marla turned out to be his beloved childhood dog. If you know Charlie then you know that makes sense.
In honour of Charlie, and in honor of my courage, I braved the mic one night.

Hey, Charles

Serve me up,

always on time.

We don't play cards but you know my kind.

Cut to the front,

forget the line.

You know me well,

giving me drinks from the well.

Never liked the French,

but man, you're swell!

There was a reason I stayed behind the bar and not behind the mic. We all had a good laugh after that one but the open mic is for the real poets.

It Might Seem The Same

It might seem the same or even sound the same but it is not!

Mannequin-a form representing the human body, used commonly to display clothing

Mannikin, Manikin- a man of small stature




Infer- to derive a conclusion from facts or premises

Imply- to express or state indirectly




Heart- I am confident that we do not need a definition for that one! Regardless, the heart is an organ. No further explanation is required.

Hart- a male deer

For thought...

I wonder how many homophobic men are into lesbian porn...
I wonder how many of them are smart enough to see the irony...
I wonder how many meals out I have eaten that contained spit or other bodily fluids...
I wonder the amount of people who visit the hospital each year because they have been hit in the face with a kielbasa (kielbasa is a European type sausage)...
I wonder how many people prefer Kel over Kenan?

The Corner Beat Town 3

The following poem was written by Calvin Bridges. He was a one time bartender at the bar (I forgot to mention the bar's name, silly me!) then eventually got some sort of management job but always came back for the open mic.

Water Walk

Like Julius Ceasar with that fresh, new haircut,

you could rule the world with that fresh, new haircut.

Bodies as grass on the fresh, new ground,

don't cover your ears you might like this new sound.

The nation was lost but now it's breathing,

whips put away, now start the reaping.

How were you sleeping in the fresh, new prison?

Living your life based on sadism?

Two-thousand plus is the real beginning,

here is a tune for all the singing,

keep dancing forward,

the world will forget out sinning.

Calvin performed that in early June of 2007. He is best remembered for stacking a hundred beer glasses in a pyramid fashion. He is worst remembered for having a few late night drinks afterwards and running through the pyramid. 27 stitches later, and many new beer glasses later, Calvin vowed to never do that again. Which is why the next time he switched to margarita glasses. In his honour (yes, he is Canadian!) here are a couple more of his works.

Finder

We're all the same

searching for an easy gain.

We're all the same

getting wet with a touch of rain.

We're all the same

except some swim down the sewer lines.

We're all the same

then there's me.

Quietly 23.

We're all the same,

there's me.

If I make it passed 27

I'll know I never was a legend.

If I make it all the way

I'll never know who I was.

All I know is who I am and we're all the same.

Untitled

I've got a D...

for diligence,

and an eye for ignorance.

With 2 feet to take a stance,

challenge everything,

question everyone,

pester only some.

Take the choice to be serious,

are we Pranksters or Learyists?

Get off the bus,

Get on the bus,

Who here is serious?

The Corner Beat Town 2

As promised, here is some original work from an old friend of mine...

On the Third Day

Little girl smiling in the corner,

hey, I've got an idea is what I say to her.

We can ditch these times,

cross the world until we find

memories corralled in time.

Take a knife to etch the stones,

something vibrant to call mine,

something pretty to call your own.

We can keep running until we're grown,

cutting kings and slashing thrones.

Making jokes out of the jester,

burn the queen,

and let the body fester.

Day and days,

the knights will fall to our daze.

Dance little sweetbird,

start the craze.

Dance little sweetbird

This was written by Geoff Hardy in which he performed in July of 2008. When Geoff isn't busy raising his two sons, he can be found sculpting and writing at his home few miles outside of San Diego.

Random!

Below is a list of the 8 most influential albums of my life in retrospect (in no paticular order).

1. Blink182- Dude Ranch
2. Alanis Morissette- Jagged Little Pill
3. Sublime- Sublime
4. Goo Goo Dolls- A Boy Named Goo
5. The Wallflowers- Bringing Down the Horse
6. The Notorious B.I.G- Ready to Die
7. Pink Floyd- A Collection of Great Dance Songs
8. Reel Big Fish- Turn the Radio Off



I encourage all of you to make a list as well. Once it is complete go back to it and think of why the album is important and what it makes you think of.

The Corner Beat Town 1

There was a time where each summer I would take a big bird to the west coast for some unwinding and grinding. Down in the Palo Alto part of Cali, I would bus at a local bar, occasionally tend bar and stay for the open mic nights, which were held every Thursday though Sunday after 11pm. Those were the days, swabbing floors and cleaning tables for Charlie the Frenchman (the manager). Along the way I met some talented, interesting people. Haven't been there in a fair amount of time but I still keep in touch with those beat poets and told them I will post some of there stuff on this blog. Enjoy, more to follow but I hope this one will suffice for today.

Part of the Night

Single light city streets.

Walking, no shoes,

just me and my feets.

Over to my bar, ready for the greets.

Order the usual drink,

please no sugar, bartender your sweet.

I know these faces,

know these parts,

friendly eye shake and you've got my hearts.

Tick-tock tanker,

story for the week,

here are my secrets,

please no leak.

Yes, sir, no,

Guess we all have to leave,

but thanks for the time...

until the next time.

Written by Dee Ferris (7-22-07)

Why?

Why?!?!?!

Why is it that underage kids have to pay adult prices at the movies but cannot get into "R" rated movies? Ironically, anybody can virtually (eat puns!) get onto any website, and those with restrictions only require you to click a box that claims you are 18 or older.

Why did the NBA change the playoff format so that round one is best-of-7 series?

Why did Chris Webber call that timeout during the 1993 NCAA Men's Division I Basketball Championship?

Why did Carlos Beltran stare at strike three in the 2006 NLCS? (The NLCS is the national league championship series for Major League Baseball.)

Why does anybody let their young children sit on the lap of a stranger? I do not care that you paid $12.99, waited on line for an hour and waited another hour to find mall parking. Despite the red suit, there is nothing avuncular about it!

Why did Wesley Snipes stop doing mostly comedy?

Today We Honour

No, we do not honor the Canadians (although I think of them fondly), rather we honor the name Dustin and all those named Dustin.

Dustin- The name Dustin means "brave warrior" and may have had an increase in popularity becuase of actor Dustin Hoffman. The name Dustin can also be spelled Duston, Dustyn, Dustan or Dusten.


Now for a poem!

D-ragons make me scared,
U-nderneath my bed,
S-taring at my head.
T-witching their firey eyes,
I-nducing my loud cries, leaving my courage without a grin,
N-ow we must be saved by a guy named Dustin!

Wise Words

Today's Wisdom- "Be like Bird". Larry Bird that is. Larry Bird was a great American basketball player. Bird did not play for himself, he played for his team and teammates. We should live our lives like that. Let us not do things solely for ourselves but also for the benefit of others and our surroundings. Not only will you help make said others and surroundings better but also yourself. On the courts, make the extra pass and in like make the extra effort. Good luck and thank you!

Rules...

For every man- Every man, regardless of anything, should know how to tie a tie. A nice tie, nicely tied is like a piece of your manhood. Once you have that skill down then you can let it hang low, low, low, low.


For every woman- Do your thing, girl, because we (men) like the way you (you) do it.

Today as I Saw It

On the news today (ABC news for the sake of details) stated that the most popular baby name for boys, once again, is Jacob. For its honor I have prepared poem off the top my head. Since it is off the top of my head it can only be titled one thing....

Hair

J-ust for another year,

A-ny other would'nt do,

C-arrying the torch so well,

O-vations for your reign,

B-aby, Jacob is your name!

Are you nervous?

Are you nervous as my cyberhands travels through cyberspace?

When you fart in a car it will be traced back to you...guaranteed!

Consider yourself uninvited if you step on dog poopies before entering somebody's house.

Something to notice...

Next time when out on the road take into notice the sex of the other drivers on the road. It seems to my eyes that more women drive in the day than at night. The number of male drivers may be the same at both day and night. Seriously, take notice and see if you agree.

Put Your Damn Hands Up

It has been a life long dream of mine to be a rapper. I even have a rap name...J.R Pane. Obviously, I am bringing the Pane. No, not a window pane but bone chilling pain. Enjoy one of my most popular raps.

The rap that is posted below was written on a cold winter day in the Toronto area of Canada. It was right before my old pal Harkaway Hal was going to have a show. He knew I rapped a little bit and needed an opening act so I rapped this little diddy which became a big hit amongst the Canadian rap lovers...

Rap Title

Holes in my head like Kennedy

Dripping red you'd think I was grenadine

Lemon lime makes me full

Mix em both, call it Shirley Temple

Down the greens

Melting face, I got the screams

Shooting bullets like Magic

I can shoot the three

So positively, you'd think I got HIV

No box of pills

Medicare expensive type of thrills

No, I can't swim

But you don't wanna know where I been

It is the best for us

Harkaway Hal, be a pal and take away the chorus...

That was my intro to Hal, needless to say it got the crowd going. I have not seen Hal since then nor do I know how his career went but friends are friends forever.

All the memories...

Do you feel nervous for no reason when driving with a cop behind you?

Irony...

In New Jersey, and most states for that matter, it is illegal to talk on a cell phone while driving. I get the law, it makes sense. We have all talked on our phone while driving and have zoned out to an extent or something like that. Yeah, we get it. Well, at my place of work (where we have to drive the company van at times) we have been given a van phone. A van phone?! If I get pulled over and fined while using the phone do you think the company will pay my ticket? I doubt it. The system tries to make things easier but it only puts us in danger.

Greetings From Interspace

Total Honesty

To be totally honest I have never like my first name. (My first name is Jonathan). I always preferred to be called the shortened version of the name. Perhaps I should rethink that! The name Jon (though spelled with an H in it, which does not matter since it sounds the same when spoken!) means either a toilette or a customer of a hooker. Perhaps I should rescind my years of loathing towards my first name and accept it in its entirety.

In honor of my name here is a little list of famous people who share(d) my name...

Jonathan Taylor Thomas- Who could forget little Randy on the sitcom Home Improvement

Jonathan Swift- an Irish poet/writer born in 1667. He is best known for writing Gulliver's Travels

Jonathan Freeman- He was the voice of Jafar in Disney's Aladdin

Today We Mourn

On this day in 1481 the world said goodbye to Mehmed II, former sultan of the former Ottoman Empire. It is suggested he died from being poisoned by his own son. The lesson: maybe let the kids join in some good, old time conquests!

Morning Questions and Thoughts and General Love

Every time you use the bathroom do you look behind the shower curtain first?

How successfully could you slay a vampire with an ice cream cone?



I am not sure when this is from but I came across some "poetry" I wrote...enjoy.

Poem One

Come catch the bus, jumper

13 school

9 commercial

Poem Two

I've been rehabbing slightly on the dog river

Bone beggars,

pack travellers

Here, me

The only one on my party line

Jazz club whiteheads,

nodding for a place at the party table.

Ding dong dog,

there's a puppy at the door

Have you ever...

Have you ever...
Played rock, paper, scissor in the mirror? It is a tie every time! Do not even think about cheating because the man in the mirror will rebuttle with your rock or paper or scissor.

The Last....

The last sign I wrote read "Do not use kitchen utensils to kill bugs. That is gross."

Hello Friends

One day we will all be friends....

Total Honesty

To be totally honest the news really burns my soul. According to the news, more specifically http://www.abcnews.com/, Kim Cattral has gained 15 pounds and it is important that we the people are aware. Nowhere does it mention a recent study suggesting that 5 minutes of physical activity in an outdoor, green area will benefit mental health.

According to Dr. Jo Barton and Professor Jules Pretty, physical activity in a nature setting will decrease risk for mental illness and promote well-being senses. Only 5 minutes!

Don't you think that in a society where we live fast, eat fast and are always in a hurry that news like that should be, well, news?

Today We Mourn

On this day we say goodbye to Leonardo da Vinci for the 491st time. For those against the practice of math, 491 years ago it was 1519.

Today We Celebrate

Today marks the 74th birthday of international pop singer Engelbert Humperdinck! He was born to the unfortunate name of Arnold George Dorsey but eventually smartened up when he renamed himself Humperdinck (after the famouse German composer of course!). Interestingly, in 1967, Humperdinck's version of "Release Me" was number one on Britian's pop music chart ahead of the Beatle's "Strawberry Field's Forever".

Did You Know?

"Release Me" was originally produce in 1946 by Eddie Miller, Robert Yount and Dub Williams.